Random Things to Know about Liège, Belgium (Part I)

After almost three years in Liège, Belgium, our family of two is now, sadly, looking to move out of the city. Therefore, I feel that the time is upon me to impart all the insights and wisdom gained during my time here in a two-part series that I'm calling Random Things to Know about Liège, Belgium. Because, who knows, maybe one day, they will come in handy for you, too!

So, without further ado, let's get started with PART I:

Random thing 1: Get used to always being the rude one

As Liège is situated in the French-speaking part of Belgium, mostly the same politeness rules as in France apply. In translation: If you're a non-native French speaker and you, say, attend a party in Liège, it is probable that you are the rudest person in the room (unless, of course, there are other expats around, in which case you might only be the second or the third rudest).

To demonstrate what I mean, let's consider exhibit A - the closing of this (albeit, formal) e-mail that I received from a Belgian:

In other words, you might as well give up now. Whatever your reply, it will come across no better than, "K, no sweat."

But, of course, Belgians are not always that formal. For example, my Belgian source informs me that the rules of tu and vous (informal and formal "you," respectively) are more relaxed now than they were a decade or so ago. For instance, it is more common to use tu in the workplace now than ever before.

This is, of course, horrible, horrible, news. Not that I have anything against more relaxed rules per se, but it's the word "more" in "more relaxed" that scares me. What is "more," anyway - that vague devil of a word? All it does is muddy the waters, so now, instead of only having to worry about sounding like a brute (too informal) in some context, you also have to worry about sounding cold and unfriendly (too formal) in other contexts. By relaxing the rules, Belgium, you have only managed to create havoc and heartbreak everywhere.

So. When it comes to politeness, your only saving grace as an expat is that you're that "adorably oblivious foreigner," so when in doubt, play that card.

Random thing 2: Saying hello has never been more difficult

Here's a fun fact: The people of Liège say hello to strangers when they cross paths! It's amazing but true. I guess at one point, somebody bumping into their neighbor on the street just figured, hey, I have a crazy idea, let's acknowledge each other's existence, and people have been participating in this weird practice of common courtesy ever since. When you get to know the person better, however, it is normal to upgrade your relationship from the "hello" stage to the one-air-kiss-on-the-cheek stage (you can read my previous blog post about cheek kissing here).

But what does your "hello" say about you? Having observed Belgian greeting rituals for three years, I was convinced that there were differences between the words (and combinations of words) you use to say "Hello." After an interview with my Belgian source (and relying partly on my own experience), I was able to create this Belgian-flag-colored chart (see below) to help you (or confuse you) in your quest to greet a French-speaking Belgian:

In conclusion, by adding the name of the other person at the end of any greeting (for example, "Bonjour, Monsieur Gaston!" or "Salut, Pierre!"), your chances of voluntary or involuntary ass-kissery increase. However, my source (who wishes to remain nameless) would like to point out that this is just one person's view and not necessarily something that every Belgian agrees with.

Well, whether he's right or wrong, I urge you to again play the foreigner card when need be!

Random thing 3: "Burying the bone" does not mean what you think 

The biggest summer event in the Liège region takes place August 14-16 and brings together masses and masses of people. The party begins on the 14th with lots of concerts and street stands selling food and drink, especially shots of peket, a traditional alcoholic drink in Liège. These shots usually come in different colors and flavors (to allure innocent, unsuspecting foreigners) as in the picture below.

Violet, cuberdon (Belgian candy), and cinnamon peket

August 15 is the day of the folkloric parade, i.e. puppets (or figurines or whatever) marching down the streets of Outremeuse (there are other things, too, but the puppets are definitely the most memorable part for me). And if the concept of marching puppets isn't scary enough, picture this: these puppets are really, really tall! Like Michael Jordan on steroids tall (even though many of them do look like they peaked in high school, which lessens the scariness factor a bit.)

But neither the parade nor the previous day's shenanigans can top the brilliance that is August 16. Suffice it to say that in the contest of the most ridiculous festivals in the world, this one is right up there (and this is coming from somebody whose birth country invented the Wife-Carrying Championships).

The 16th is the day of the fake-burial of... get this... a bone (Hey, Liège! Dogs all over the world are laughing at you)! Yes, you read right. Naturally, this concept brings up tons of questions such as "Huh?", "What?", "How?" and most importantly "Why?" But lo and behold, when you ask a Belgian about the point of this tradition, each one will give you a different answer (get your stories straight, Belgians!), so over the years I've learned to ask no questions and just go with the flow.

Here's what I do know about this odd burial, however:

a) It is a good idea to dress in black. Some people go all out with their dresses, but if you don't want to see too much trouble, a black t-shirt and jeans should do the trick. Also, if you are one of those people who always wears black, let this not be the one day when you finally decide to release your inner bright-and-shiny-person and wear your sun flower shirt (this remark might or might not be directed at a certain friend).

b) This funeral is not one where people turn their noses up to alcohol - in fact, a lot of the funeral-goers seem to have turned to drinking to numb the pain of the loss of... err.... a random bone.

c) Bring celery. Or don't. But know that everybody else will be waving their celery stalk in the air, so if you aren't, for the rest of the day you'll be remembered as the one person who didn't bring celery. Can you live with that? Can you?

Just give into peer pressure - BRING CELERY!

The most serious anybody can take a fake-burial

Random thing 4: Learn to mispronounce churros or forever get the wrong pastry (at October Fair)

The October Fair (Foire d'octobre) is my very favorite thing in Liège. Now, when I say that, know that I'm part of a very small club that thinks this way. Basically, this club only consists of me and every Belgian kid under the age of 13.

The fair runs for the whole month of October and features lots of fun rides and games and other stuff you can throw your hard-earned money at (which might be the precise reason why parents everywhere hate it). (ON A SERIOUS NOTE: If you go with your kids, beware of the cars as they can appear seemingly out of nowhere!)

So far, I haven't ridden any of the rides but it is my 2-year tradition to buy a ticket to play one of those ball games where you can win a Minion. I always end up buying another ticket, because it didn't quite go right the first time, then (possibly) one more because, you know, third time's the charm, until I finally give up and buy myself a Minion at the train station.

My Minions bought at the train station

But what I love even more than the Minion game is all that junk food! Their selection includes (but is definitely not limited to) lacquemants (waffle-like creatures coated with syrup that tastes like anise), croustillons (see picture below), and churros. 

Croustillons

Now, if you're looking to buy churros, please note that you cannot pronounce the word the right way [ˈtʃur:os] but the wrong way [ʃuR'o:] to make sure you are not met with a confused "Pardon?" or - even worse - get the wrong pastry when all you had been doing for the past week was dreaming of churros with some hot chocolate sauce! You can trust me on this as I've tested this theory on a Mexican guy who eventually had to let go of his national pride and deliberately mispronounce a word of his own native tongue to cater for his fiancée's sweet tooth needs.

Random thing 5: AZERTY is an actual thing!

As somebody with a very QWERTY-centric view on life, I always thought an AZERTY keyboard was but an urban legend. That is, until I actually encountered one in its natural habitat.

AZERTY in its natural habitat

This happened at the beginning of my time in Liège when I was signing up for a gym membership and had to give my contact information to my PT. I asked to write my name on his keyboard myself rather than letting him do it, because I've learned that some letters, particularly the "extra" u in my last name (Ruuska), appear to most non-Finns either as an unnecessary decoration or a speed bump that you can well do without (FYI: You can't. The second u makes Ruuska a last name. Take that out and the actual meaning of the word changes to "Fall foliage"). My personal trainer agreed to my request, gave me the keyboard, and then was like, wow, that's a really complicated name. I took a look at the screen, and noticed that instead of Katariina Ruuska, I had written Kqtqriinq Ruuskq. So much for getting my own name right, eh?

Anyway, the moral of the story is, before you go and buy yourself a Belgian computer, make sure you get the keyboard you want and deserve.

What usually happens when I don't get to write my own name

Closing words

And there you have it! There are, of course, more random things that didn't make the cut such as the small-ass bottle you get when you order a Coke at a restaurant.

A vending machine Coke (500 ml) vs. a Coke you're usually served at a restaurant (250 ml). Now ask yourself: is this enough to quench your thirst? 

And of course, more food! But I'll talk about that more in my next blog post. Until then, friends, farewell! ☺